Julianne (kandykornkat) wrote,
Julianne
kandykornkat

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EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!!

I'm surrounded by dementors right now. I can't let the misery ruin me. This too shall pass..I will make it through the darkness to the light again. It's so hard to see, but I can feel it there. A little spark of light can magnify to epic proportions if I don't block it with negativity. The dementors are trying to drown me in their darkness..The cold dark shapes are swooping around me, trying to suck the life out of me. The attacks to my mind are constant and penetrating. They try to dig deep, and make me feel as though nothing else matters..That the light will always turn to darkness. They try to make me feel sorry for myself, and make me feel as though I can't go on any longer. I just want to give up and stop trying, but I know that is the easy way out. There will come a time to choose between what is right, and what is easy..And for me this is one of those times. If I keep doing what I'm doing and stay true to myself, it will benefit in the end. If I stay true, I will find out who is not. How else would I compare the light to the dark? I've put everything out on the table, and it's been snatched by greedy hands. Not many are truly thankful, but feel entitled to the bounty. That sense of self-entitlement is toxic. I now know who is truly toxic in my life..It hurts though. Because I feel. I know what I've put out there, what I've done..What a good friend I've been time and time again. I feel the knife stabbing me again and again by the ones who have grown fat with emotional greed, with the caring I fed them. As my arms spread open, my heart is ripped out. I'm willingly giving myself to people who are too weak to honor what I've given. Instead they quickly grab my self sacrifice and hide in their dark corners, greedily feeding on their prize. There are so few out there I can trust..It's hard to accept that. I want to put faith in people, but constantly it's proven to me that faith can't be so easily granted. That's how I get hurt! Well, to all of you dementors out there trying to suck the joy out of my life, EXPECTO PATRONUM!!
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